Anthropologist/writer Antropologė/rašytoja
Anthropologist/writer Antropologė/rašytoja

Solveiga Zibaite


Grapefruit as heavy as a newborn’s head

There is one thing about Leda that she simply refuses to admit to herself. When choosing food items to snack on throughout the day, she will never bring herself to eat those grapefruits she keeps buying. Her heart becomes heavy every time she catches a glimpse of the jaundiced cellulite skin in her tote bag and yet, she never learns. She carries that round weight around with her like a newborn‘s head, always delays the torture of peeling and instead chooses biscuits, crisps, hell, even apples and bananas, even though these  are also only consumed once beaten and bruised. Leda is not able to finish a grapefruit in one go, which is terribly inconvenient. The uneaten half doesn’t stand a chance of salvation – it dries out like the gums of an old man – which is one of the last things Leda wishes to touch with her tongue.

Just forget about grapefruits. You‘ve never been that healthy, and you never will – stop weeping over their unutilized carcases. You‘re just not a grapefruit person.

Leda is starving. But she‘s not a grapefruit person – she just can‘t bring herself to eat one. ‘Why can‘t I eat that freaking grapefruit?‘ – she manically laughs with her head in her hands, – ‘what’s wrong with me? I won‘t eat anything then, not until I am so hungry that once I set my eyes on that promised fruit, I would gorge it down in a minute. Now that‘s a challenge‘. So far, Leda has not eaten for two days. She‘s a human of conviction – she could have easily just cancelled this protest, eaten the grapefruit when the first pang of hunger pierced her stomach, pretended it was delicious and just got on with her life. But she couldn‘t be so dishonest with herself. Thus she decided to wait until she began desiring that grapefruit.

Leda keeps buying those grapefruits like an orthorexic, and she might even appear to be one from the outside, but she is rotten. Her organs would rather decompose, than assimilate vitamins from a citrus fruit. Now that‘s conviction. Three days have passed and Leda has been going about her daily life, periodically struck with the terrifying premonition that all of this will inevitably end just one way – she will have to eat that grapefruit. It is very hard to think about something you hate, but will have to let it enter you.

That‘s the same feelings that brides, who have put way too much money and energy into their wedding celebration for it to be cancelled a month prior, get when they find out that their groom has impregnated someone during his stag week in Brazil. Bastard. But a rich bastard. It will all be worth it.  ‘I can wear a Vera Wang gown and Mario Testino will be my photographer – I will just have to make sure to get more pictures of me alone than with the bastard. And when we get divorced a year and a half later, I will be noble and the only thing that I will take with me will be those pictures of myself looking spectacular. I will always treasure them. I will always treasure me’. Not now though. This is why Leda is not eating – only after she proves to herself that she can indeed make herself lust after that grapefruit, she‘ll finally be free to never buy a single grapefruit for the rest of her life.

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Published on February 23, 2018